


Artemis Fowl and the Obscure Characters

by stace8383



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stace8383/pseuds/stace8383
Summary: A series of short pieces written for FowlFest2020's Obscure Character Day
Kudos: 8





	1. Constance Lane

**Constance Lane**

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was more than usually interesting. Of course cryogenics is a niche field; I don’t often get new clients. Most days consist of checking on a couple of stiffs, and playing friendly on social media. 

But yesterday this… kid, this child… turned up. No appointment, no notice. He just turned up at reception acting like he owned the place. Didn’t seem to like our tea. But he had money, and a certain… air. Confidence. This is my business, my home, but he sort of took over. I think it was the money. Yeah, had to be the money. 

He offered me a ridiculous amount, and didn’t even want proper cryogenic procedures. Like, why did I even bother with all those years of medical school? For what he wanted, the kid could have done it himself, with the right equipment. He seemed to know it all. 

So I froze his friend, like he asked, then left them out on the street. Weird. That’s what he wanted, though, and he’s the guy with the big bucks. There were some weird noises. And this morning the van was totally wrecked and nobody was there. He’s bloody lucky he paid in advance.


	2. Shelly

**Shelly the Kraken**

A storm was gathering over the Atlantic. Dark clouds loomed and menaced, but the only living being nearby was not concerned. He probably didn’t even notice. 

Shelly simply floated. 

Barnacles clung to his shell, making a home for themselves. Shoals of fish flitted to and fro, bright splashes of colour in the dark ocean. Another animal might have felt tickled by their light movements.

But Shelly simply floated. 

Far off in the distance, a whaling ship’s crew saw the stormclouds and steered away, but not before noting in some confusion a small island where no island had been before. 

Shelly simply floated.


	3. Director of Rathdown Park

**Director of Rathdown Park**

‘I can’t get over this kid today!’ Hank fumed. ‘Smarmy little brat, trying to overturn decades of science in an afternoon!’ 

It made a nice change, Jerry thought; usually his husband’s after-work rants involved animal feces or problems with artificial insemination. A bratty kid questioning the theory of evolution was new and refreshing. He nodded along, making comforting noises. 

‘And the suit! Kid wore a custom tailored suit, to a zoo!’ 

‘This is the same kid who’s making a huge donation, right?’ 

‘Well,’ Hank calmed slightly, thinking of the money, ‘his mother is.’ 

‘I think donating that much entitles him to wear whatever he likes.’ Jerry grinned.

‘But not to question evolution!’ Hank ramped up the rant again. ‘Seriously, Jerry, he tried to tell me about _the missing link_ , as if that hadn’t been resolved years ago!’  
  
Jerry went back to nodding. This would probably go on all evening.

It did.


	4. Stu "Cheeze" Toppin

**Stu**

It had been a good game for Stu. A couple of strikes, a few spares. It was just a friendly game, with his buddy Floyd, but Stu was a semi-pro and couldn’t help showing off occasionally. Floyd was getting frustrated at losing so badly, but Stu could cope with that. He’d shout the next round and all would be forgiven. 

They were down to the final frame, and Stu was feeling confident. A niggling voice in the back of his head tried to tell him that confidence is ignorance, but he shoved it down. He hoisted his ball from the ball return, and began his approach. 

Halfway through, mid-stride, Floyd saw what Stu had missed: a spillage. Some kid had wandered past not long ago with a coke. And Stu’s foot was heading right for a splash on the floor. 

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Floyd shouted a warning, but it was too late. Stu’s foot landed on the coke and slipped forward, sending him backward to land heavily on his posterior, bowling ball pulling his arm out at an unnatural angle. 

In his pain and frustration, Stu shouted a profanity he didn’t know he knew. Later, in his hospital bed, he would puzzle over it for hours. ‘D’Arvit!’


End file.
